Giving My Life Value

      In Jonathan Larson’s rock-opera, Rent, we are posed with a short, seemingly straightforward question: “how do you measure [a] life?” While only a six word question, it would be impossible to answer in an equally succinct manner. To put it simply, life is not simple.

      There is no one way to live life nor is there one way to determine life’s value. It cannot be evaluated objectively with a scale and numbers; after all, life’s value is derived differently for different people. To one man, life’s value comes from wealth and material possessions, while to another, life’s value is derived from the experiences he has had and the relationships he has formed. Even within the same person, age and experience, shift outlook on life. To a child, life’s value may be relative to eating cookies and watching cartoons on television, but fast forward to when he is a high school senior, and all thoughts of cookies and cartoons are overshadowed by graduation and college acceptance. That being said, there will never be a perfect model for life’s fulfillment that applies to us all; instead precise parameters for life’s fulfillment can only be found within ourselves. The power lies within each of us; our life will only have value if we believe it does.

      Before I die, I want to believe that my life has value; I want to assertively claim that I have lived a meaningful life. By that I mean that I want to be blissfully happy with what I have done and how I have lived. I want to feel fulfilled when I reflect on what I have achieved. After pondering what would bring me this sense of fulfillment and satisfaction I have settled on the following:

1) I want to convince myself to take time each morning to sit outside with a cup of coffee to enjoy the sunrise. As a full-fledged “type A” personality, I would be lying if I said that I took time to relax and take a second to take in the beauty of my surroundings. Instead of enjoying the little things, I am constantly on the run. I embrace the hustle and bustle, trying to check things off my ever-growing to-do list. While I love the fast-paced   lifestyle, I need some time to unwind and let the stress melt away.

      I remember the first time I ever watched the sunrise. One morning when my family was on vacation my parents dragged me out of bed, tossed me a sweatshirt, and told me to watch the sun. Wanting desperately to go back to bed, I reluctantly watched the skyline. As the sun rose above the waterline, I suddenly forgot that only moments earlier I had wanted to go back to bed. I became overwhelmed by the beauty and splendor of the sun. After that, for the rest of our vacation, regardless of how tired I felt and how much I did not want to climb out of bed, I got up to watch the sun. Each time I saw the sunrise, my mind was cleared of all worries and concerns; I felt as though the only thing in the world  that I had to do focus on was that sunrise. That feeling of serenity and calm is essential to health and well-being. It important to take some time for yourself, away from the world, to slow down from the constant stress and fast pace of the world in which we live.

2) I want to take the time to someday explore where I come from. While some people have seen the house in which their parents grew up, the high they graduated, and the first place they held a job, I have never had such knowledge of my parents’ lives growing up.

      For those that do not know, my parents both emigrated from Poland to the United States—my dad as a child and my mom as an adult. While a chunk of my family presently lives in the United States, I do still have family that lives abroad: grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. With that in mind, I would love to go back to Poland, pick my relatives’ brains, and get a better grasp on my background.

      I have in fact traveled to Poland on several occasions to visit family, but I have never  gotten a chance to explore the area on my own. When I next travel to Poland I would like to go beyond this two mile radius and get a true glimpse of how my parents lived growing up. I think it would be meaningful to see what shaped them to be the people they are today. I feel that seeing my parents' origins would reiterate how far my parents have come to now live a comfortable life in the United States. Understanding your background is key to understanding what makes parents the way they are, and by  extension what makes you the way you are.

3) I want to dive in the Great Barrier Reef. I want to see the Great Wall of China. I want to travel down a canal in a gondola with sweet sound of a singing gondolier in my ear. I want to take a bullet train and see the crazy fashion trends of the Harajuku district of  Japan. I want to marvel at the enormity of the pyramids of Giza. I want to taste authentic Italian red sauce. Essentially, I want to see and experience the world. Whether I actually see and do these specific things is of little importance; I just want to move beyond my sheltered suburban lifestyle and become a true citizen of the world.

       In part, I admittedly want to travel for excitement of seeing someplace new and having adventures, but more than that I want to see all that I have learned in school in its original context. Seeing ancient Egypt after studying it in both humanities and art history would  add so much more meaning to the words of the textbook and research I have done online. Similarly, visiting the Globe Theater would give me greater insight into the way Shakespeare crafted his plays and intended for them to be performed. Visiting places after having studied them in school would add another layer of meaning and understanding.

      I also want to travel the world to immerse myself in other cultures and languages. Travel broadens awareness and appreciation of people, places, and traditions. With the world so interconnected, I feel that it is important to fully understand that my way of life is not theonly way of life; it is important to understand and accept that everyone is different.

4) As cliché as this may sound, I want to fall in love. I want to die knowing that I have surrounded myself with people I love.

      Although I have yet to experience romantic love, I know that I would never trade the love I have for my family and friends for anything. With chaos of the world around me, it is comforting to know that there are people who support me and would do anything for me. In the future I want to find someone who makes me feel the sense of security I feel  now feel when I am around my family and friends. I want someone who I can truly be myself around and value me for who I am. I want to have someone to turn to and hold my hand ready to face both the good and bad.

      This idea of wanting someone by your side is something within all of us; no one wants to face the world alone. Love and the prospect of finding love make life worth living. Love sustains us and “makes the world go round.”

5) Lastly, I would also like to someday have children. Though I do not want children right now or any time in the near future, my parents have unknowingly convinced me that I want to someday be a parent. My parents once told me that having a child was refreshing in that aside from worrying about themselves, they had something else to care for and love. They explained that watching me laugh and smile makes their life worthwhile. Having a child seems to give life direction and purpose; it  gives you a reason to live.

      I know that when I raise children I will try to bestow onto them all that I know and provide them with even more than I have now. I will do all that I can to equip my child with the tools to succeed. While some people claim that they want their child is going to be a neurosurgeon or diplomat, I just want my children to grow up happy and prepared to handle the world.


      Whether or not I successfully achieve everything on my bucket list, will not define whether or not I die happy and fulfilled. It is not achieving everything on my list that will give my life value. Instead, it is knowing that I made an effort to achieve my goals as opposed to sitting back and watching life pass that will let me die in peace

A Blessing in Disguise

       Heraclitus of Ephesus once said, “You cannot bathe in the same river twice.” With these words Heraclitus reflects on the ever-changing nature of a river; the water flows continually without end and is never quite the same as it was only moments before. In much the same way, we live in an ephemeral world; our lives and the lives of those around us are transient and fickle. Life can change without even a moment’s notice. Life now, in this very moment, in no indication of what life will be life five minutes down the line. Life today does not assure life tomorrow.  Realistically, the only thing we know for certain is that things will change: people will grow, people will die, and life will never be still.

          Although his notion of impermanence is inescapable, there are still those who fear it and seek to defy it. At the start of the epic, Gilgamesh ignores his mortality in favor of “establish[ing] [his] name on bricks” (70); he seeks only to establish a sense of immortality – a name that will endure and will be remembered by all. With these clouded priorities, he willingly treks into the Cedar Forest to come face to face with Humbaba, whose “roar is like the torrent of a storm, breath is like fire, and jaws are death itself” (71). Gilgamesh further endangers himself in an attempt to perpetuate an “enduring name” (88) by slaughtering the Bull of Heaven. In both instances, Gilgamesh embraces selfishness. He ignores the frailty of life in order to solidify his sense of strength and supremacy and surpass the realities of humanity. After the eventual death of Enkidu, Gilgamesh begins to fear death and, therefore, wanders in search of Utnapishnim and his secrets of immortality. In the meantime, Gilgamesh encounters the wine-maker, Siduri, who insists that he "will never find that [immortal] life for which [he is] looking" and instead "day and night, night and day, [he should] dance and be merry, feast and rejoice" (102). Nevertheless,  Gilgamesh cannot come to terms with the fact that the gods “allot [life and death], but the day of death they do not disclose” (107) – he cannot accept that his fate is decreed by a power beyond his control.

         Much like Gilgamesh, in Porter’s “The Jilting of Granny Weatherall,” Granny Weatherall cannot face the reality of death. She lies upon her deathbed and claims to have faced death and made peace with it twenty years ago when she took trips to say goodbye to her children and grandchildren and created a will organizing her affairs. Though she claims to have prepared, when it actually comes time for her death, she feels that it is not yet her time to go. 
        Although Gilgamesh and Granny both fear and try to escape the unfolding of life and mortality, I cannot help but think that had they embraced the natural order of life they would have died feeling fulfilled and satisfied. I feel as though accepting life’s constant unpredictability and impermanence has a positive influence on our lives. While a great deal of life  is beyond our control, this lack of control ultimately empowers us to take charge of what we can decide.

        Though I would be lying if I said that death and change were not a bit intimidating, I can honestly say that I find a completely open-ended future even more frightening. Without an end to life, each of us would put off responsibilities and work; we would not be motivated to invest time and effort. I could easily envision myself aimlessly lounging on the couch, snacking on junk food, and giving into frivolity. For this reason, I feel that though coping with death is painful and facing change can challenging, life’s uncertainty is a blessing in disguise. It unquestionably plays an essential role in igniting this vigor and drive within each of us. 
      Knowing that life is short and that life can change in a split second, we are driven to experience as much as we can and make the most of each opportunity that is handed to us.  In trying out new things,we are encouraged to take time to identify passions so that we can live life doing things that we enjoy. Moreover, life’s fragility also lends each one of us valuable perspective. We take note that we must appreciate each moment we have with friends and loved ones as opposed to taking family dinners, holiday gatherings, and even phone calls for granted. We learn to appreciate the little things like fresh cut flowers, the smell of a new book, and getting the mail because we never know what unsettling surprise may be waiting for  us around the corner.
            That being said, even without finding eternal life, humans can create a legacy that will last beyond their time. This need not be a major invention, technological advancement, or artistic achievement, rather by accepting life for what it is and making the best of all that comes your way, your presence will set a precedent for those around you and, thus, live on forever.